It happened, y'all. I turned the dirty thirty! And despite a strange new interest in wrinkle creams, I'm feeling pretty damn good.

Walt managed to throw one doozy of a surprise party — his request to guests was to bring more food than I could imagine, and boy didn't disappoint. A sampling of the goods included cranberry chicken salad, shrimp cocktail, stuffed red peppers, Knorr spinach dip, baked spinach artichoke dip, feta dip, pulled pork roll-ups, brisket-bacon burgers, baked beans, brussels sprouts, Papa John's pizza, Funfetti cupcakes, and Alon's Bakery Midnight Cake! Holy moly, I'm popping out of my skinny jeans!

I think this epic animated E-Card from my mother adequately sums the day — and my life — up. Seriously y'all, this is one to watch! (It's a gastrotastrophe!!!)

Image source: Blue Mountain Cards